How to Fail a Test

Three hours every night for a whole week, shouldn't that be enough study to at least get a passing grade? No. If your working on a Thesis paper for your Master's degree, maybe. Here is a list of sure-fire methods to FAIL a test.

Physical Absorption: Pressing your forehead firmly against the text for prolonged periods of semi-consciousness

Presence-Learning: Sitting down with your notebook or textbook and spending quality time, like listening to music together or playing video games.

Hypnosis: Keep your eyes focused on page 89. Take deep breaths: in...out...You are becoming smarter every second your eyes remain open. Do not shut them. Do not turn the page. Don't write anything in your notebook. You are getting smarter.

Little-Annie-Orphan-Study: Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I love y'a, Tomorrow! It's all fun and musical till the teacher reminds you that the test is TODAY!

Stud-study: Studs don't study. They lift weights, bully fourth-graders in the hallway, and intimidate their way onto the Honor Role. Studs also go to summer classes and night school in order to graduate.

Cheater's Way: The saying goes, cheaters never prosper. Unfortunately current politicians contradict this axiom. In the academic field, though it remains true. Cheating may secure you a handful of A+'s, but that one time Mrs. Morganhaus catches you, your entire future is in jeopardy.